OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
