i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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