i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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