Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
