Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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