I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
