is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
