You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
