how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
