I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
