I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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