he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
