Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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