I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
