If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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