Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
