I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
