I'm gonna have a badass scar
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
