Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
