Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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