Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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