Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
