God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
