And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
