There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
