Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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