I think I am morally bankrupt
where am i from again
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
