it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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