i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
