I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
