im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
