We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
