Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
