My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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