im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
