Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
