too bad you live with your parents still
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
