What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
