There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
