I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love having hate sex.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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