I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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