I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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