come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
