pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
