the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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