Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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