I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
