I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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