Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
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