I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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