I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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