If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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