So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
