I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
