I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
