i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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