As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
