Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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