I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
