remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
