if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
