singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
