he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
