my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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