watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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