I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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