god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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