i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
