Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
