were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
