I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
