the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize