She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
