I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
