Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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